A Little More Couple Psychology

If you want to be in a better couple relationship—here’s a news flash—BE NICER!

Happy Ever After

Happy Ever After

This seems like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised. Men and women have been bickering since that incident with the apple.

I often tell my couple psychotherapy clients that I’d like to stamp three words on their foreheads—backwards—so they can read them when they look in the mirror.

  • RESPECT
  • KINDNESS
  • CONSIDERATION

There are way too many people who are disrespectful, mean, and self-centered. I like Dr. Phil’s bluntness: “How’s that workin’ for you?”

Marriage should be a safe haven.

Now, I believe the principle that everything makes sense—it may not work, and you may not deserve it—but there’s a reason people think, feel, and do everything.

We think and act based on anger, hurt, fear, lack of self-esteem, arrogance—a pile of junk—some of it old, some of it new.

The point is, even if it’s familiar, neither you, nor your spouse deserve it.

The first step is to recognize what isn’t workin’ for you—and then start changing what you think and what you do.

BTW, I didn’t say that would be easy—just worth it.

For more about couple therapy, read “A Little Couple Psychology”.

Cristine Eastin © 2013
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Categories: Psychology | Tags: , , | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “A Little More Couple Psychology

  1. Gary

    You are very right with your advice to be nice to one another. Lisa and I work very hard to avoid sarcasm, one-upmanship and putting one another down (especially when talking to others). Early in our relationship we agreed that sarcasm had no place in a friendship. No matter how innocent the intent, it hurts. Hurt leads to fear; fear leads to anger and anger leads to destructiveness.
    Strangely enough, our relationship started off with me being sarcastic to her in public and then apologizing for it, also in public.
    The short version is that I was standing in the chow line with some buddies at the mess hall at NAS Millington. Lisa was in line a few ahead of us (she was in the same aviation electronics class as we were) and I smarted off and said, “Hey guys, there’s that chick in our class.” She turned to me and gave me one of those looks that would shrink a grizzly bear and said very slowly, “I…am not…a CHICK!” After we got our food (I was having crow that evening) we all sat down at her table and I apologized for my remark. This November we will be celebrating 39 years of marriage.
    I’m not saying this has been a flawless weave, but it is one that we have fought for and has a lot of interesting patterns as you know.
    Thanks, bro-in-law Gary

  2. A new story! I never heard that one of how you two started. Sweet—in the end. Wisdom from an former wise guy. Thanks.

  3. A friend sent a comment via email. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if I shared it with you anonymously. Wise words.

    “I love your ‘A Little More Couple Psychology’.
    From experience I know it works – but it is not a l w a y s easy.
    If both partners are on the same wavelength it most of the time is, but even then innocent misunderstandings can creep in.
    We just cannot get discouraged – keep doing the right thing!”

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