Posts Tagged With: couple therapy

Expectations of Spitting Dinosaurs

images“That wasn’t as cool as I thought it’d be.”

My grandson had expected the dinosaurs to spit at him. The ad promised there would be spitting dinosaurs.  But he had his cities confused—not at this particular exhibit.

Expectations. They can ruin our day.

Unmet expectations are bad enough—unacknowledged expectations can create a real ball of knots.

Let’s say a couple has the same argument over and over (who among us hasn’t?), and neither knows they’re working off different unacknowledged, unexpressed expectations. He expects she’ll go back to work after the kids are in school—why not?, his mother did. She expects he’ll do half the housework—her father did. Can you hear the arguments?

We run full blast, smashing up against our expectations, only to be disappointed. It’s no fun. If we have expectations that are met, well, we just think of that as things going along quite nicely, thank you.

Disappointments? Like the song says, “I just pick myself up and get back in the race.” That’s life.

But imagine running a race with poor eyesight—or, insight, as we say in psychology—learning to see inside oneself. Introspection. Self-awareness.

Back to my grandson. He got over his dinosaur disappointment in as long as it took to bounce to the next thing, which was ice cream.

 

 

 

 

Categories: Psychology | Tags: , , | 4 Comments

A Little More Couple Psychology

If you want to be in a better couple relationship—here’s a news flash—BE NICER!

Happy Ever After

Happy Ever After

This seems like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised. Men and women have been bickering since that incident with the apple.

I often tell my couple psychotherapy clients that I’d like to stamp three words on their foreheads—backwards—so they can read them when they look in the mirror.

  • RESPECT
  • KINDNESS
  • CONSIDERATION

There are way too many people who are disrespectful, mean, and self-centered. I like Dr. Phil’s bluntness: “How’s that workin’ for you?”

Marriage should be a safe haven.

Now, I believe the principle that everything makes sense—it may not work, and you may not deserve it—but there’s a reason people think, feel, and do everything.

We think and act based on anger, hurt, fear, lack of self-esteem, arrogance—a pile of junk—some of it old, some of it new.

The point is, even if it’s familiar, neither you, nor your spouse deserve it.

The first step is to recognize what isn’t workin’ for you—and then start changing what you think and what you do.

BTW, I didn’t say that would be easy—just worth it.

For more about couple therapy, read “A Little Couple Psychology”.

Cristine Eastin © 2013
Categories: Psychology | Tags: , , | 3 Comments

A Little Couple Psychology

Here’s a picture of our cats, Wadi and Lulu—fighting. Bear in mind, they’re brother and sister, and they’ve obviously known each other their entire lives. Yet they still fight.

If you want to see them not fighting, check out the Family Album page.

In therapy, I’ve often said couples are like my cats. They know each other —they love each other—but for some reason, one of them looks wrong at the other, the hackles go up, and they’re off and fighting.

In session, sometimes I just want to yell, “KNOCK IT OFF!” I do yell that at Wadi.

Effective couple therapy often lasts a number of months to make sure the couple learns how to handle, and recover from, episodes where hackles get raised.

My motto in therapy is—there’s a reason people think, feel, and do everything—however, it may not work, and you may not deserve it. What that means is that it’s no mystery why people behave the way they do, although it may be hidden deep in the recesses of one’s brain.

Stay tuned for more on this.

So there’s a reason Wadi picked on his sister this particular day, but he’s not saying what it is.

© Cristine Eastin, 2012

Categories: Psychology | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.