Reuben, Reuben, I’ve been thinkin’
What a grand world this would be
If the men were all transported
Far beyond the Northern Sea!
Then Reuben comes back with his rebuttal to Rachel. And round and round they go. Truly–where they’ll stop nobody knows!
This children’s song has been around since 1871, training us in the war of the sexes. I learned it in grade school and sang it with great fervor.
This war is exhausting, depleting, diminishing.
Did God really make us to go two by two, men and women together (stop, don’t start arguing here, that’s not my topic) to eternally be at war with each other? I think not. God made us that two-by-two way. And remember, He doesn’t make mistakes.
Ephesians 5:33 “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
This scripture is the foundation text for “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.
Eggerichs says we get on the Crazy Cycle and don’t (won’t) get off. Without love from him, she reacts without respect. Without respect from her, he reacts without love.
Then the kicker—somebody has to break the cycle—change thinking and behavior. (See a previous post, “A Little More Couple Psychology.”
“But…but…,” we say. No buts. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Change anything in a relationship dynamic and you’ve got change. It may get worse before it gets better, as you pick up those spilled apples, but don’t quit if the change is in the direction you want to go.